I haven't exactly kept it a secret from anyone that I suffer from Bipolar Disorder. It runs pretty heavily in our family. Formerly called manic-depression, bipolar disorder is a kind of chemical imbalance in the brain which leads to alternating states of depression and mania (euphoria, agitation, risk-taking). Like most other illnesses, it can be managed with medication. I have tried several different kinds of meds to find what works for me. The key is to stabilize the mood swings and take the edge off without hampering thinking, creativity, functioning, etc. Most people who meet me (even some who've known me for years) have no idea that I have this disorder.
Over the years, I have found that there are several components to handling an illness like mine.
1. Face up to the fact there is no cure - you have it and you must now deal with it!
2. I can't manage my life without the aid of medication. People with bipolar often talk themselves out of taking their pills - big mistake!
3. Being open about my illness helps me manage it. Friends and family are often the first to notice when I'm having problems and can help me.
4. Whatever I can't handle, I must trust God to help me with. He's not going to cure me or take my problems from me, but he can give me the strength to go on, the clarity I need for making decisions, and the peace I need so very much.
Right now I am on an emotional rollercoaster. Joy from finding my dad. Anguish from remember the past. Pity from seeing what my dad has become. Deep sorrow at seeing him suffer. Hope when he responds to having his children with him. Sadness when I hear that his condition is deteriorating. This is one of those times where the emotional overload is more than my medication can deal with and I must pray for extra strength. I survived going through this when my mom died, but this almost seems harder.
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