Dexter's Final High School Performance

This has been quite the weekend for us.  Dexter graduated from high school on Thursday.  Two other kids in our ward also graduated (one from Provo High and the other from Timpview) and our close friends, the Crank family, had their oldest son graduate as well.

Emerson's mom, brothers and sister, and their families all came to celebrate.  In some ways, it was very surreal. It hasn't really sunk in completely that we have no more children to raise. We look around and see our brothers and sisters still raising their young children and it's hard to believe that we're done with that process.

Timpview's graduation was at 2 pm and Provo High's graduates had to report to UVU by 6 pm for the big senior photo.  Squeezed in between, the moms of the other two graduates in the ward had planned a neighborhood reception and invited us to be part of it. That gave Emerson a great opportunity to take this candid photo of me that is probably my best worst photo. Dexter agreed to dress Navajo for the special occasion and his pose in this photo makes him look like Baje Whitethorne's illustrations in the book "Monster Slayer."


Provo High had 350 students graduate this year. That's roughly ten times the number of people in my graduating class. It probably would have been a fairly boring event if I hadn't gotten to know so many of the choir and drama kids Dexter spends so much time with. Emerson took pictures of Dexter and his friends during the commencement ceremony.  Dexter's girlfriend, Emily, was sitting pretty close to where we were and apparently that made her somewhat nervous.  She's a really fun girl and can hang with us when the teasing gets pretty bad.  She even came with us to a family celebration with the Crank family and survived a night with the Natives.
I'm not sure how graduations are outside of Utah and my tiny little hometown, but around here the Polynesian influence has led to leis being a graduation staple.  Most are the flower leis you have probably seen before.  There are also leis made of shells, kikui nuts, and ti leaf.  Modern variations are weirder and include plastic wrap strands with candy bars, crocheted or woven yarn, and even ones with dollar bills folded and tied on.  It's almost a "must" to wear a lei of some sort at graduation here. The multicultural office at UVU gave me a crocheted yarn one. Dexter received a couple of candy ones and a beautiful floral one that looked like folded flower petals (from Emery and Brenda). Provo High limited graduates to wearing only one lei. That really didn't work.  After the graduation, we noticed a few Polynesian students getting leis heaped upon them....quite funny!

The rest of the weekend seemed relaxing by comparison. Emerson's mom took our dog, Shadow, home with her.  Shadow's fairly constant barking kept one set of neighbors sending the police to our door. We have tried a bark box and several bark collars and they just seem to make him louder. At least on the rez he will be able to be himself and bark all he wants.  Evonne's son Seth kept us busy. He talks even more than I do! He had fun having a Lego battle with Dexter and Emily. Emerson and I went to The Mayan with Em, Brenda, and their kids. That place just keeps changing, and not always for the better. Yes, they still have the divers. The show is brief and there aren't many special effects anymore. The last time we were there, I actually liked how the food had changed because it had more of a gourmet touch. That's gone now and the food is overly salty and boring. I'm just glad we got to eat there back when it was awesome.  We've done a little shopping, some zombie slaying, and a lot of catching up on sleep and we still have another day off.  No garden planted yet. Every time I get in the mood, we get more snow. Maybe tomorrow  will be the day....

Graduation Fills the Schedule

I forgot how busy the schedule could be for a high school senior who is graduating. Yes, Dexter is going to graduate! This week and next week have all sorts of activities - drama banquet, night of one-acts, Indian Education program senior dinner, senior awards night, commencement (graduation), and the all night senior party.  At least we're not having to fit in the final Chamber Singers concert and the choir awards picnic this year.  I'm still working on Dexter's graduation invitations/announcements, but I figure I better get the word out.  Graduation is Thursday, May 27, at 7:00 pm in the events center at Utah Valley University.  Not sure yet what we will be doing to celebrate as a family since funds and number of people haven't been determined.  Our friends, the Cranks, also have a son graduating and they have invited us and all family to attend their barbecue on May 28 at 6 pm.  Dexter has been accepted into the College of Eastern Utah as a theater major and hopes to begin in the Fall (if he can get a job this summer to pay for it). He really wants a driver's license, a car, and a really good new backpack for school.

My Mother's Day

Happy Mothering Day! There is so much more to it than those who have children. I have been mothered by many wonderful women in my life and I appreciate the moms, aunties, sisters, neighbors, teachers, and grandmas who have influenced my own children. My friend, Tami, found today listed on her calendar as "Mothering Day" and we both agree that it's a much better name.

I dread Mother's Day like no other day of the year.  The commercialism of it all and getting gifts out of obligation rather than actual gratitude just kills it for me.  I'm desperate to receive some sign that I've been a good mother, but I want it to be genuine.  Today I got my wish.  Poor Emerson is really sick and couldn't do much, be he gave me a fun card he made himself.  He handed things off to the boys and they took me out to dinner.  Before leaving, I managed to display my true talents by sitting on my gift.  Dexter had placed it on a chair in the living room and I sat down without looking.  The box wasn't completely destroyed....

Inside the box was a strange assortment of objects and a homemade card from Dexter.  My kids are just fun that way.  The card even said "handmade card. extra points!" on the front. Dexter was nice enough to promise to buy me a house when he's famous.  He also noted, "We have some of the same friends. Awkward. And my friends ACTUALLY like you.  Not that you aren't likable, you're just...my mom. You know? I mean, that's weird."  I'm glad he ended the card by letting me know I'm his favorite mom.


Dwayne's homemade card was equally interesting and very "him." Some of the highlights were: "You are like a magic 8-ball, most of the time I get the 'try again later' but if I pester you long enough I get a good answer."  "Lastly, I know that if I get shot, then I can post 'call 911 I've been shot!' on my wall and you'll save me."  This last one was because I get text messages with Dwayne's and Dexter's Facebook status updates.

We had some awesome food and had some good laughs.  Both boys manage to get themselves in hot water at one time or another and I snapped pictures "just in case I decided to kill them."  Their smiling and laughing faces have been more rare through the teenage/early adult years, so I'm glad I captured them.  I enjoy times like these because my kids are weird like me, although I can't quite keep up with the newer nerdly pursuits.  At home, I spent time with my other "kids," our doggies.  Maybe I'm not such a bad mom after all...

A Tribute to My Mom

I am not unique.  Every child who enters this world has a mother.  Some mothers live long lives and get to see their children grow old. Others don't survive giving birth to their children or pass away at some other point, still much earlier than expected.  My mom fits in the latter category.  She was much too young (in my opinion) when she left us.  All of her children were adults and she did get to see a few of her grandchildren born, but it was still too soon.

One of my dearest friends was given the most amazing gift for Mother's Day this year.  Her daughter wrote about her in a way that any mother would be proud to see.  This same daughter wrote a tribute to both her parents last year as well. It was such a beautiful tribute and it inspired me to do one of my own.

On the left you can see my mom's high school photo.  Isn't she beautiful?  You can tell just by looking how friendly she is.  I love her hair in this picture - so fancy! I wasn't much of a girly girl, so I think it's cool that she went with such a natural look rather than overly made-up.  Mom never thought she looked very good (I inherited that), but I think she's gorgeous.

Why My Mom is the Best:

•  She is the most flexible person I know (other than Olympic gymnasts). It amazed me to see her sit down, straddle her legs, and touch her nose to the floor - and this was after she had gained weight.
• She was amazingly resourceful and determined.  She taught me to always do more than was expected and to learn other people's jobs in the workplace.  When I was growing up, she worked for the City of Coos Bay as a payroll clerk and worked her way up to being the only Finance Director they ever had who wasn't a CPA. She is the reason I have become valuable wherever I work.
• Ever wonder if it's even possible to not say unkind things to or about other people?  It is....my mom did it.  No gossip crossed her lips.  Amazingly enough, she never even talked badly about my dad even though they had a rough marriage and he was pretty cruel to her. 
• Mom was a woman of great faith.  With her, you would never doubt the Savior's existence.  There were a lot of years where we weren't able to attend church because of my dad, but in the end, all five of us kids made it to the temple.  When the LDS Church changed their policies to allow women to get endowed in the temple if their spouse was inactive or a nonmember, Mom and Grandma immediately went to the temple.  I was in college at the time and provided transportation for them.  When I went through some really rocky times with my own faith, she would remind me, "the gospel is true; don't worry about the people."
• Mom taught me to do "the twist."  She twisted it up something fierce right there in the living room!  I had never seen her dance before and she just blew me away.  I feel so privileged to have experienced this since my younger siblings didn't get much time with her when she was still able to use her legs.
• No matter how stupid, defiant, and rebellious I was, she loved me.  Really....she loved me. And not in some superficial way either. She could never be mad at you, just disappointed (and that was worse than having someone be mad).  When I finally came to my senses, she was there, as always.  I wish I had known back then how rare and valuable that unconditional love was.
• She could cry at just about anything.  I definitely got that from her too.  A sentimental ad on tv, a touching story at church - you name it, she would get all choked up.  That may be one of the better gifts I got from her.  I used to see it as some horrible curse since tears would be streaming down my face and nobody else's.  Now I know that it really is a gift to be able to feel so deeply.  
• Have you ever seen someone get laughing so hard that they accidentally snort or even end up with tears rolling down their faces?  That's my mom (and me, too).  I can still see her laughing and laughing, then snorting and wiping away the tears.  It was the true embodiment of joy.
• She taught me to cook the one complete meal that I am successful with - Thanksgiving dinner.  She was visiting us once and I told her how I was struggling with cooking.  She offered to teach me to make one complete meal of my choice.  Every Thanksgiving, I get so excited about cooking the meal she taught me and get so upset if anything gets in the way.  Her stuffing is my favorite part of the meal and I'm so pleased that my mom-in-law likes it too.
• Mom fulfilled her mission on this earth.  I know this because I sat next to her during her final night and read her patriarchal blessing to her.  If you are LDS, you know that many of the blessings promised don't happen during a person's mortal existence, but there wasn't even one thing in her blessing that hadn't happened.  She was an absolute saint and I admired her so much.  As I sang to her that night, tears rolled down her face.  My voice isn't the greatest, but I'm pretty sure the tears were because she knew her time here was done. 
• She had beautiful brown hair.  Yes, I'm biased on this one.  Dad and all my siblings had blond hair.  Even Mom had blond hair as a baby.  Sharing her brown hair and brown eyes and looking so much like her has always made me proud.  Who wouldn't want to look like her?  Her sister helped her dye her hair blond once and I felt so abandoned.  Fortunately, she went back to brunette soon enough.
• There was absolutely no way to be more generous than my mom.  People would try to do things for her and she would just do something right back.  She wasn't trying to cancel out what they did.  She just couldn't help doing things for others.  When I was visiting her one time, she had me help her make some bread and other baked treats and deliver them to the people who had fixed her roof and did a makeover on her front yard.  Her kindness and generosity was well known to all.
• She endured to the end.  That was her mantra as things got tougher in her life and it got her through it.  Faith doesn't get rid of the bad stuff, it gets us through the bad stuff.  She did such a good job of not letting her MS get her down that I wasn't aware of how bad it had gotten. I try to remember how she handled things when my own life gets crazy and I wear an ETTE (endure to the end) ring for that reason.

The only thing Mom did that really disappointed me was when she needed extra help because of her multiple sclerosis and she wouldn't let me help her more.  I would have done anything for her. 

Mother's Day is really tough for me now that she's gone.  I totally lose it when the Primary kids sing their Mother's Day songs and remember singing those songs to her. With Mom gone, I tend to feel more like a "mom" than a "sister" to my own brothers and sisters.  I think about them all the time and would do anything for them.  My own children are now adults.  I didn't turn out to be the kind of mom who is adored by her children and that is one of my bigger disappointments. Fortunately, I will always have my mom's example to keep me going.

Great Influences

I'm pretty sure that most of us can think of at least one person in our lives who has been a great influence.  One of those people in Emerson's life passed away last week.  Mr. Brown was one of the biggest supporters of the little league baseball teams Emerson used to coach (even though Emerson was barely a year or two older than the guys he was coaching).  Mr. and Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Curtis, and Emerson's mom provided the kind of family support that most teams and organizations can only dream about.  The news of Mr. Brown's passing hit everyone hard and most of the core members of the baseball team made the effort to be at the funeral.  I have heard these guys' names for the 22 years I have known Emerson and it was exciting to meet them in person. 

They were like kids again, teasing each other, pushing each other around.  It made a sad occasion much lighter. Faces lit up when we walked in - "Coach!"  "Emo!"  The reception after the funeral gave us the opportunity to catch up a little more and take pictures of the players, the coaches, the scorekeeper, and the moms.

I really can't say it often enough... I feel so peaceful and "at home" when I'm back where Emerson grew up.  The Navajo sense of family just welcomes everyone in.  I could have easily been "the white girl," but they joked with me the same as anyone else.  It was really hard to leave after feeling all that love.  It was worth the long drive and the expense and I'm certain Mr. Brown was happy to see the boys together again.  I know it made Mrs. Brown feel better.  Families came together to support each other and everyone contributed to the luncheon.  Moms, sisters, and aunties dished up plates and took them around to everyone, making sure all in attendance had something to eat. Nobody was worried about decorations and almost everyone there was considered family.  It was hard for me to leave and come back to Utah and leave that wonderful environment. I hope that when my time on this earth is done, that I will have been a great influence to someone.