Dwayne's Hair

For those of you who have been following us on Facebook, I'm sure you've noticed a little family tension going on. No, I'm not in favor of a public family argument, but some things end up being hard to ignore. Before you decide to weigh in and judge our parenting, it might be good to know what's going on.

When Dwayne came home from Job Corps, things went really well for awhile. He had a nice full time job and was pretty polite and disciplined. In time, he resented our requests for him to pitch in around the house and rules or curfews. We tried to let him make his own decisions as an adult. He spent his money as he wanted, bought a drove a car wherever he wanted, and spent his days as he wanted. All we asked was that he be in at a decent hour and contribute to the work of the household. One of Dwayne's friends introduced him to the idea of selling home security systems for the summer. I found out after Dwayne had already given notice at work that he was moving to Chicago to sell security systems. His thinking was that it would give him good practice for a mission and he could earn the money he needed to go on the mission. I reminded him that he had not been good about attending church and had been skipping mission prep classes, leading to the Bishop being unwilling to recommend him to serve a mission. Dwayne figured he would take care of that later. He told us the names of a bunch of people he had talked to and that they supported his decision - his boss, his aunt Kathy, his young men's leader and his wife, and other friends and neighbors. We have since discovered that many of them didn't really know what he was asking them about and didn't think it was a good idea. Despite our protests and my warnings about how these summer sales jobs rip off young people, he decided to go. Despite his inexperience with driving, he drove all the way to Chicago.

Since he has been there, we receive regular calls from him about the tough time he is having. Dwayne's personality is not very conducive to sales and he was having a hard time making any sales at all. He was upset to find himself possibly on the chopping block and due to be sent home. We reassured him that there was no shame in coming home. The economy is tough and he had tried hard. He was spared the cut, but they started mentioning that he would need to cut his hair. His managers believed that he would make more sales if he had short hair. Emerson and I talked to him a lot about it and told him that he should just come home - no summer job is worth that kind of sacrifice. We were prepared for him to cut his hair to go on a mission, but not for some temporary job. His manager could only promise that he might be spared for a few more weeks if he cut his hair. If the haircut doesn't improve his sales, he has nothing else to give. In the meantime, they deduct $100 per week for his rent for a shared apartment and he is up against various fines for missing meetings, having a dirty apartment, etc. He continues to push to get the minimum of 20 sales for the summer that will earn his rent money back and give him $1,000 signing bonus. For every sale he makes, he gets a little over $200. This adventure has cost him money....and now his hair. Two months after he finishes this summer job, he may get a "back end" check for remaining money earned ($60 per sale that hasn't been cancelled), but I've heard from people who've worked for them who were cheated out of those checks. Dwayne is determined not to quit and I admire that to an extent. His managers are playing him like salespeople tend to do and he doesn't get it. He's sure they really care and are his friends. We've done everything we can to be there for him when he calls and have made it clear that we disagree with cutting his hair for a job that's only going to last for 6 more weeks. I begged him to come home. We heard from Dexter yesterday about the haircut. He's an adult and there's nothing we can do. We are allowed to be upset and I reminded him that he doesn't get to choose the consequences of his actions. No parent likes to be rejected like this and it truly hurts us right now. We have been clear with him that we support him whether or not he serves a mission - it is his choice to make. Emerson tried so hard to get him to go to church and the mission prep classes and supported him having to cut his hair for the mission. Dwayne is now hurling accusations at us that are just not true. I don't enjoy the public war either. He has said plenty to hurt us in text messages and emails as well. We still love him and want the best for him and hope he somehow makes this worth what he has sacrificed. Those of you with teenagers know much of the pain we are going through. Agree or disagree, it doesn't matter. I just wanted you to know the rest of the story. I love all of my family, but be prepared for me to be unhappy if you sit there and delete my side of the conversation. If you don't want to hear my opinion, don't post about us on Facebook. I reserve the right to explain my side of things.