My Mother's Day

Happy Mothering Day! There is so much more to it than those who have children. I have been mothered by many wonderful women in my life and I appreciate the moms, aunties, sisters, neighbors, teachers, and grandmas who have influenced my own children. My friend, Tami, found today listed on her calendar as "Mothering Day" and we both agree that it's a much better name.

I dread Mother's Day like no other day of the year.  The commercialism of it all and getting gifts out of obligation rather than actual gratitude just kills it for me.  I'm desperate to receive some sign that I've been a good mother, but I want it to be genuine.  Today I got my wish.  Poor Emerson is really sick and couldn't do much, be he gave me a fun card he made himself.  He handed things off to the boys and they took me out to dinner.  Before leaving, I managed to display my true talents by sitting on my gift.  Dexter had placed it on a chair in the living room and I sat down without looking.  The box wasn't completely destroyed....

Inside the box was a strange assortment of objects and a homemade card from Dexter.  My kids are just fun that way.  The card even said "handmade card. extra points!" on the front. Dexter was nice enough to promise to buy me a house when he's famous.  He also noted, "We have some of the same friends. Awkward. And my friends ACTUALLY like you.  Not that you aren't likable, you're just...my mom. You know? I mean, that's weird."  I'm glad he ended the card by letting me know I'm his favorite mom.


Dwayne's homemade card was equally interesting and very "him." Some of the highlights were: "You are like a magic 8-ball, most of the time I get the 'try again later' but if I pester you long enough I get a good answer."  "Lastly, I know that if I get shot, then I can post 'call 911 I've been shot!' on my wall and you'll save me."  This last one was because I get text messages with Dwayne's and Dexter's Facebook status updates.

We had some awesome food and had some good laughs.  Both boys manage to get themselves in hot water at one time or another and I snapped pictures "just in case I decided to kill them."  Their smiling and laughing faces have been more rare through the teenage/early adult years, so I'm glad I captured them.  I enjoy times like these because my kids are weird like me, although I can't quite keep up with the newer nerdly pursuits.  At home, I spent time with my other "kids," our doggies.  Maybe I'm not such a bad mom after all...

A Tribute to My Mom

I am not unique.  Every child who enters this world has a mother.  Some mothers live long lives and get to see their children grow old. Others don't survive giving birth to their children or pass away at some other point, still much earlier than expected.  My mom fits in the latter category.  She was much too young (in my opinion) when she left us.  All of her children were adults and she did get to see a few of her grandchildren born, but it was still too soon.

One of my dearest friends was given the most amazing gift for Mother's Day this year.  Her daughter wrote about her in a way that any mother would be proud to see.  This same daughter wrote a tribute to both her parents last year as well. It was such a beautiful tribute and it inspired me to do one of my own.

On the left you can see my mom's high school photo.  Isn't she beautiful?  You can tell just by looking how friendly she is.  I love her hair in this picture - so fancy! I wasn't much of a girly girl, so I think it's cool that she went with such a natural look rather than overly made-up.  Mom never thought she looked very good (I inherited that), but I think she's gorgeous.

Why My Mom is the Best:

•  She is the most flexible person I know (other than Olympic gymnasts). It amazed me to see her sit down, straddle her legs, and touch her nose to the floor - and this was after she had gained weight.
• She was amazingly resourceful and determined.  She taught me to always do more than was expected and to learn other people's jobs in the workplace.  When I was growing up, she worked for the City of Coos Bay as a payroll clerk and worked her way up to being the only Finance Director they ever had who wasn't a CPA. She is the reason I have become valuable wherever I work.
• Ever wonder if it's even possible to not say unkind things to or about other people?  It is....my mom did it.  No gossip crossed her lips.  Amazingly enough, she never even talked badly about my dad even though they had a rough marriage and he was pretty cruel to her. 
• Mom was a woman of great faith.  With her, you would never doubt the Savior's existence.  There were a lot of years where we weren't able to attend church because of my dad, but in the end, all five of us kids made it to the temple.  When the LDS Church changed their policies to allow women to get endowed in the temple if their spouse was inactive or a nonmember, Mom and Grandma immediately went to the temple.  I was in college at the time and provided transportation for them.  When I went through some really rocky times with my own faith, she would remind me, "the gospel is true; don't worry about the people."
• Mom taught me to do "the twist."  She twisted it up something fierce right there in the living room!  I had never seen her dance before and she just blew me away.  I feel so privileged to have experienced this since my younger siblings didn't get much time with her when she was still able to use her legs.
• No matter how stupid, defiant, and rebellious I was, she loved me.  Really....she loved me. And not in some superficial way either. She could never be mad at you, just disappointed (and that was worse than having someone be mad).  When I finally came to my senses, she was there, as always.  I wish I had known back then how rare and valuable that unconditional love was.
• She could cry at just about anything.  I definitely got that from her too.  A sentimental ad on tv, a touching story at church - you name it, she would get all choked up.  That may be one of the better gifts I got from her.  I used to see it as some horrible curse since tears would be streaming down my face and nobody else's.  Now I know that it really is a gift to be able to feel so deeply.  
• Have you ever seen someone get laughing so hard that they accidentally snort or even end up with tears rolling down their faces?  That's my mom (and me, too).  I can still see her laughing and laughing, then snorting and wiping away the tears.  It was the true embodiment of joy.
• She taught me to cook the one complete meal that I am successful with - Thanksgiving dinner.  She was visiting us once and I told her how I was struggling with cooking.  She offered to teach me to make one complete meal of my choice.  Every Thanksgiving, I get so excited about cooking the meal she taught me and get so upset if anything gets in the way.  Her stuffing is my favorite part of the meal and I'm so pleased that my mom-in-law likes it too.
• Mom fulfilled her mission on this earth.  I know this because I sat next to her during her final night and read her patriarchal blessing to her.  If you are LDS, you know that many of the blessings promised don't happen during a person's mortal existence, but there wasn't even one thing in her blessing that hadn't happened.  She was an absolute saint and I admired her so much.  As I sang to her that night, tears rolled down her face.  My voice isn't the greatest, but I'm pretty sure the tears were because she knew her time here was done. 
• She had beautiful brown hair.  Yes, I'm biased on this one.  Dad and all my siblings had blond hair.  Even Mom had blond hair as a baby.  Sharing her brown hair and brown eyes and looking so much like her has always made me proud.  Who wouldn't want to look like her?  Her sister helped her dye her hair blond once and I felt so abandoned.  Fortunately, she went back to brunette soon enough.
• There was absolutely no way to be more generous than my mom.  People would try to do things for her and she would just do something right back.  She wasn't trying to cancel out what they did.  She just couldn't help doing things for others.  When I was visiting her one time, she had me help her make some bread and other baked treats and deliver them to the people who had fixed her roof and did a makeover on her front yard.  Her kindness and generosity was well known to all.
• She endured to the end.  That was her mantra as things got tougher in her life and it got her through it.  Faith doesn't get rid of the bad stuff, it gets us through the bad stuff.  She did such a good job of not letting her MS get her down that I wasn't aware of how bad it had gotten. I try to remember how she handled things when my own life gets crazy and I wear an ETTE (endure to the end) ring for that reason.

The only thing Mom did that really disappointed me was when she needed extra help because of her multiple sclerosis and she wouldn't let me help her more.  I would have done anything for her. 

Mother's Day is really tough for me now that she's gone.  I totally lose it when the Primary kids sing their Mother's Day songs and remember singing those songs to her. With Mom gone, I tend to feel more like a "mom" than a "sister" to my own brothers and sisters.  I think about them all the time and would do anything for them.  My own children are now adults.  I didn't turn out to be the kind of mom who is adored by her children and that is one of my bigger disappointments. Fortunately, I will always have my mom's example to keep me going.

Great Influences

I'm pretty sure that most of us can think of at least one person in our lives who has been a great influence.  One of those people in Emerson's life passed away last week.  Mr. Brown was one of the biggest supporters of the little league baseball teams Emerson used to coach (even though Emerson was barely a year or two older than the guys he was coaching).  Mr. and Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Curtis, and Emerson's mom provided the kind of family support that most teams and organizations can only dream about.  The news of Mr. Brown's passing hit everyone hard and most of the core members of the baseball team made the effort to be at the funeral.  I have heard these guys' names for the 22 years I have known Emerson and it was exciting to meet them in person. 

They were like kids again, teasing each other, pushing each other around.  It made a sad occasion much lighter. Faces lit up when we walked in - "Coach!"  "Emo!"  The reception after the funeral gave us the opportunity to catch up a little more and take pictures of the players, the coaches, the scorekeeper, and the moms.

I really can't say it often enough... I feel so peaceful and "at home" when I'm back where Emerson grew up.  The Navajo sense of family just welcomes everyone in.  I could have easily been "the white girl," but they joked with me the same as anyone else.  It was really hard to leave after feeling all that love.  It was worth the long drive and the expense and I'm certain Mr. Brown was happy to see the boys together again.  I know it made Mrs. Brown feel better.  Families came together to support each other and everyone contributed to the luncheon.  Moms, sisters, and aunties dished up plates and took them around to everyone, making sure all in attendance had something to eat. Nobody was worried about decorations and almost everyone there was considered family.  It was hard for me to leave and come back to Utah and leave that wonderful environment. I hope that when my time on this earth is done, that I will have been a great influence to someone.

Very Long Week

This week was our play at Heritage, so I had to spend nearly every waking hour at work.  Some technical problems led to extra rehearsals and late nights, but the kids in the show did an amazing job and coped with every glitch that happened.  My main job during the performances was to take care of the girl playing "Anita."  Her anxiety level was off the charts and she needed some personal attention to keep her calm.  She had also had problems getting along with some of the other girls (she even punched one), so she had to be with one of the staff at all times.  There were times that it was really rewarding to work with her and help her, but there were also some times where I regretting taking on this responsibility.

Because I was busy with the play, I wasn't able to do much with my own kids this week.  Dexter had his state drama competition and earned straight "superior" scores in his group scene as well as his solo scene.  He didn't have much time to prepare for Saturday's prom, but it looks like it turned out pretty nice.  Emerson took pictures at the promenade since I was stuck backstage at West Side Story.  Dexter's girlfriend, Emily, looked ready for the red carpet.

Dwayne and Emerson have been doing the cooking this week and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.  Cafeteria food at Heritage isn't very satisfying day after day.  Emerson's also gearing his UVU class up for their final.  It will be sad to see this experience come to an end since Emerson seems perfectly suited for teaching college students.

Weather this week has included rain, snow, sleet, wind, and sun.  Emerson turned the soil in my garden and got the backyard into shape (with some help from the boys).  I really hope we can get the garden in and that the weather will cooperate.

Haircut

With all the stress and craziness lately, I was feeling pretty low.  The girl who cut my hair has moved and I was getting unhappy with what my hair was looking like.  I got brave and went for a much shorter hairstyle.  It looks much better in person and is really fun and funky.  It's going to take some getting used to, but I like it.

We're heading into our final rehearsals at Heritage and "West Side Story" opens on April 15.  It has been crazy and time consuming, but I had a fun moment the other day when I left my office and saw these two squirrels hanging out by the sidewalk.  The seemed to be listening to the music coming from the maintenance shop.  It's those fun little moments that help keep you going sometimes.

Shingles - Not Just for Roofs

Last weekend, I started feeling pain in my shoulder and itchy on my neck and shoulder on that same side.  I just figured they were unrelated and I had slept wrong on my arm/shoulder.  The itchiness turned into a rash and my shoulder ached more and more.  By Wednesday, the rash was feeling hot and there were blisters/welts.  Sleep was difficult because of the shoulder pain.  On Thursday, a friend at work encouraged me to see the doctor.  There is so much I'm working on that I didn't get to the doctor, so I decided to stop at the Instacare on my way home.  I was diagnosed with shingles.  Shingles is a form of the chicken pox virus and only happens to those who have had chicken pox.  The chicken pox virus never really goes away, it just lies dormant.  Age, stress, or lowered immune system can trigger the virus to flare up and it travels along the nerves and up to the skin.  Nobody can catch shingles from you, but people can catch chicken pox if they are exposed to the blisters on your skin (if they haven't had chicken pox or the vaccine).  Itching, numbness, tingling, burning, and outright pain are a big part of shingles.  The blisters will eventually burst and crust over, leaving a permanent scar.  The pain can last longer than the blisters, sometimes for months or years.  With our annual play at work and me trying to create the playbill and take care of a million other things, I don't know what I'm going to do.  Stress can make the pain worse, and that's hard to avoid.  Wish me luck, kids.

Jabberwocky

I'm starting to fall behind. It's time to catch up.

We had a wonderful time for Dexter's last weekend of performances.  Rick, Holly, and Sharon came up from Las Vegas and Bill, Tina, Holly, and Billy came down from Layton to watch the Saturday matinee.  Having them here to support Dex was awesome!  Thanks, family!!  The final night of "The Fantasticks" sold out and we had to turn about 50 people away.  They decided to have an encore performance Tuesday night.  It was a first for any show at Provo High, but I know they're glad to get back to regular life again. 

Emerson was sick (a cold?), then Dexter started to get it and seemed to bounce back.  Dwayne had a quick brush with it, but then I got it.  I held out as long as I could, working as much as I could but trading out for the rehearsals I was in charge of so I didn't expose the kids in the show.  Sneezing and coughing took over by the end of the week and I've been sleeping all weekend.  I have two rehearsals to cover this week, so I hope I'm past the worst of it.

We've had snow, sleet, hail, rain, clouds, and sun - sometimes all on the same day.  Welcome to Utah.  If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes...

Dexter asked me for an explanation of the title of this post...I forgot to add that part of the story.  We went to see the new Alice in Wonderland movie and much of the plot and dialogue incorporated my favorite poem, "Jabberwocky."  My dad introduced me to this poem when I was a kid and he explained that it was an example of how you can write something with total nonsense words and yet still have people understand them because of the context.  For the entire poem, click here.

The Fantasticks

Dexter's final high school play opened tonight and it was great!  I had never seen "The Fantasticks" before and I was very pleasantly surprised.  The entire cast is very good and it's nice to see the seniors go out on such a high note.  Emerson recorded some video.... click on this link  Try to Remember

Please, please, please come see him perform. He really wants to show his skills to the family.   Because the audience is sitting on the stage, the seating is more limited and they are doing 10 shows total (9 left).  Lots of chances to see it:
Friday, Feb. 26  7 pm
Saturday, Feb. 27  2 pm and 7 pm
Monday, March 1   7 pm
Tuesday, March 2   7 pm
Friday, March 5   7 pm
Saturday, March 6   2 pm and 7 pm
Monday, March 8  7 pm  (closing night)

A Chance of Snow

Life can be cold, but even the worst forecasts aren't a guarantee of what the weather will be.  We're halfway through the month of February and nothing seems as expected.  Emerson's job at Birdseye seems to be going well and they're even trying to get him a few more hours each week.  They really like him there (I knew they would) and he's really making a difference in the lives of the boys he is working with.  My job is both a disappointment and a wonderful challenge.  I'm learning to do some website design and getting to do great new design projects and fundraising projects.  I am also witnessing wonderful miracles on a daily basis with the kids at Heritage.  The disappointment comes from being overburdened and stressed on a regular basis and knowing that there is nowhere for me to go there.

We purchased a used truck with what the insurance gave us for our old truck (surprising) plus some loans we hope to resolve soon.  Without a second vehicle, there was no way for both of us to work.  Emerson's day job may be part time, but it is in a very remote area (Fairview, Utah).  I had been getting rides with a coworker for about a month, but she doesn't work Fridays, has many more vacation days than I do, and now that we have rehearsals to supervise, I was only able to ride with her maybe one day a week.  The bus wasn't an option either because of how far I'd have to walk from the bus stop to work.  The truck is in pretty good shape for its age and the guy gave us a better deal on the price because his dad grandpa taught him to be extra nice to Native Americans.

Physical therapy has gone well and I see why it's important.  The exercises are helping.  The tough part has been fitting it into my busy schedule.  The swelling in my foot has gone down some and I finally can wear a men's wide athletic shoe.  I keep finding myself walking wrong so they are retraining my gait to undo the things I have done to avoid pain.  Most days I do fine walking around.  The night I work rehearsals really wears me out - too much standing and walking without rest.  I also remember what Dad went through when he injured his hands.  He would sit there every night working his fingers back and forth, trying to get more movement out of them, tears running down his face and the occasional cry of pain.  Even though I respected his efforts then, I really admire them now.  He got back most of the movement in fingers the doctors told him he would never be able to use again.  The scar tissue in my foot is quite bulky and causing problems with the movement of one of my toes, but I am determined to be my father's daughter with this.

Dexter is about to star in his final high school play.  They are doing "The Fantasticks" and he plays El Gallo.  Performances begin Thursday, Feb. 25.  They have 10 performances total (Feb 25-27, March 1-2, 5-6, 8) and 2 of them are 2 pm matinees on the Saturdays.  I highly recommend coming to see him in this show.  It has a small cast and the audience is seated on the stage with the actors, so everyone has an excellent view.  If you have not seen Dexter perform yet, you must not miss this.  He sings some great songs and it's the kind of role that's a perfect fit for him.  He is also progressing towards graduation with the completion of 2 English packets and work on 3 more.  Only 3 packets left after that and he'll be caught up to where he should be.  Dexter had some creative things to say about life and even about family members in his blog.  I put his blog link up so you can check it out.

As January Ends

As January comes to an end, we are plenty busy in the Tapahe household.  We think we have Dexter back on track for graduating in May.  He has a lot of work to do, but at least we know what it is.  The insurance company gave us more than we expected for our totaled truck.  I didn't expect more than enough to cover the deductible.  They didn't give us a lot more, but it's enough to help us find something suitable for around town driving.  Emerson and I went shopping over the weekend and we have our eye on an old Ford truck.  Smaller trucks are almost impossible to find right now and the economy has changed the used car market (more popular).  I started physical therapy for my foot.  I didn't really want to do it, but the swelling in my foot hasn't gone down and I have to do something.  Our schedules are making it harder to get around, so I'm excited about getting a vehicle again.  I have found myself thinking about my dad lately.  One year ago I experienced the miracle of being connected to my dad again.  It was a huge roller coaster of emotions, but I'm glad I got a chance to know him (or at least know about him) again and I got to tell him that I love him and forgive him.  Love and forgiveness are truly powerful!  I find myself grateful to have learned from my in-laws that family is ultimately important and you drop all grudges and arguments when a member of your family is in need.  Having his family there in his last days (despite how he had lived his life) was the best thing we could do for him.  When I had my accident and broke my foot, it was so comforting to see my husband spring into action, my sons jump in and do more, my brothers and their wives check up on me, and my in-laws pitch in any way they could.  That's what feeling God's love and charity is all about.